Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Memoir

Hawaii
Last year, I was thinking, and I brought up the idea to go to Hawaii. I told my parents about, and they said if I saved up $200+ dollars, then we could go. A few months later, I saved $200 and my parents said, “We’re going to Hawaii!” When we went to Hawaii, the flight took 9 long, boring hours. When we got there, it was such a long wait, but it was worth it, because we got to go stay in a 5-Star hotel. The trip was awesome we went everywhere. The third or fourth day, we went to Pearl Harbor. It was one of those places that you have to be there to know what it is actually like. It was awesome, there were artifacts and a whole bunch of cool things and we actually got to meet some survivors of the attack, also we got to go see the USS Missouri and Ford Island. Next after Pearl Harbor we went to the Aloha Stadium (the pro bowl is held there). At Aloha stadium, we went on the outside and went to the flea market; there were a lot of cool things, ranging from homemade things to shells collected on the beach. My family and I were about to go, and a guy saw me and asked if I wanted to go down to the field of Aloha Stadium and of course I said “yes”. The next day, we went to shark cage expedition, and it was in the morning with the cool breeze and the sea water stinging your skin like a thousand little pins. When we got to the spot, the sea was choppy, but not to choppy. When we got into the water, there were like 5 sharks, and as time progressed, around like 30 to 35 sharks came, it was so awesome!
If you ever get the chance to go to Hawaii, take the chance, because you won’t regret it.

4 comments:

  1. Josh- add some paragraph breaks in here- it's easier to read smaller chunks of text

    I see you've added some sensory details since your rough. I think it would be easier to do if you just selected a smaller piece of your trip to focus on. You must have has some thoughts when all those sharks surrounded you!

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  2. that sounds fun. thats a very fun memory you have.

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  3. I liked your similie on how the saltwater felt on your skin. You should've talked more about the stadium. Because football's cool like that.

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  4. Good simile's and metaphors! Yes you could have made it easiers by just choseing a certain thing. It was a good memory and you wrote nicely! Good Job!(:

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